The first reaction
Most women I work with describe the same first movement: the question turns inward. What should I have done differently. Where was I not good enough. What did I miss.
In a research conversation one woman put it like this: her first reaction is to look for the fault in herself. The outside perspective only comes much later, sometimes days later.
Why that direction is expensive
Looking for your own part is not wrong in itself. It becomes expensive when it is the only direction. Because then a whole range of factors stays in the dark: who knows whom, who spoke up when, who was loud, who was needed at that moment.
And it has a side effect. Whoever looks for the reason in themselves almost always arrives at the same conclusion: work harder. Which puts the answer exactly where the problem came from.
The stubborn thinking error
The thought is: if I am good enough, they will notice. That is the sentence that keeps quiet high performers in place for years.
This is not about performance being irrelevant. It is the precondition. It is just not the trigger. The trigger is usually that someone knows you want it.
What you can concretely do differently
Say that you want it before the role is advertised. Not as a hint, but in a sentence the other person can pass on.
Name what you want concretely enough that it cannot be postponed. More responsibility can be put off. Leading the project from January can be answered.
And ask for a reason, even if it is uncomfortable. Not to argue, but to know where you stand. A rejection without a reason is not information, it only feels like one.
What lies underneath
If you stay with yourself for days after a rejection, that says little about the rejection and a lot about what your self-worth is tied to in that moment. That is where something can change, and more lastingly than at the next application.